oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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