You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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