im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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