i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
