we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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