there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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