found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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