I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
