You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
