She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
