I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
