I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
