I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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