I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
