I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
