if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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