margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am available for nakedness
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
