I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
