yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
