So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need to calm my uterus...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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