i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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