Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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