Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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