So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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