how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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