Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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