Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
