just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
