worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
