I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
