lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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