It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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