Tell her she can't have a vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
