he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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