Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
