If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
