Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's the barista slut.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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