Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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