You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
