sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize