3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
