there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
