I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
