I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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