But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
