ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
