Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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