Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
