Im at strip club and am horny
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
