Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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