Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
