I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
