I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
