then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
