If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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