Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
