I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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