I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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