so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
