So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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