What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
