I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
