I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
