new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
