The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
