if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
