I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
