I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
