evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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