i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
