Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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