she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
