So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
