Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
