Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
