you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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