Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
