She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
