Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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