Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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