when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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