You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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