Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
