I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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